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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25316758">Needs, Wants, and Deserves</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aster_Nightingale/pseuds/Juzosuke-Ishimondo'>Juzosuke-Ishimondo (Aster_Nightingale)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cheating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internalized Homophobia, Look I have no idea what I wrote and I frankly don't want to know, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, No Beta, Slurs, We Die Like Men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:53:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,431</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25316758</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aster_Nightingale/pseuds/Juzosuke-Ishimondo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm sorry.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Original Female Character(s), Oowada Mondo/Original Character(s), Oowada Mondo/Yukimaru Takemichi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25292437">May All Your Demons Slumber</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/bastardbones/pseuds/bastardbones">bastardbones</a>.
        </li>

    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He's six when he hears the slur for the first time. "Damn faggots ruin' the damn country," his father grumbles. He's scared. He doesn't understand. The smell of old bourbon and cheap whiskey assaults his senses as his father points a finger in his face. "Don' ever lemme catch ya kissin' a boy, kid. Don' care if yer my flesh 'n blood, 'll skin ya alive fer it. Understand?" He nods quickly and holds back a sigh of relief when his father seems satisfied with that as he drinks himself in a stupor. </p><p>He runs and asks Daiya that immediately, and his older brother ruffles his hair and tells him not to worry about it. He tells him what their father told him. Daiya's face goes pale, and he gently pats his shoulder. "Don' listen to that ol' bastard, Mon-chan. I won' let 'im hurt ya, okay?" He nods. Later on, his mom comes home, and she's so tired he feels bad about even thinking about asking her. He talks to her while she prepares dinner, and later that night, he listens to her fight with his father. He sleeps in Daiya's room that night. It was getting worse and worse. </p><p>He's almost eight when Daiya comes into his room with a bloody nose and a cut on his forehead. Their mother had died from a work accident, and he wasn't allowed to cry at the funeral out of fear of getting beaten when he got home. "Pack yer things, Mon-chan. We're leavin'."</p><p>He does as his older brother tells him. They left that night, and they began living in their uncle's basement. They hated him, but it was better than living with their father. For one, they had something to eat, and for another, they didn't live in constant fear of getting beaten to death with a bottle. Daiya is 13, and already, he's working. Mondo wants to as well, but Daiya doesn't let him. Eventually, Daiya saved up for his first bike. It was a piece of shit looking back, but to a younger Mondo and Daiya, she was a diamond in the rough. Even now while he has a fully customized Kawasaki, he still has that old girl in the garage, and she still makes him smile at just the memories of his younger self pretending to ride her down the open road without a care in the world.</p><p>Still, it wasn't all about motorcycles. Around that time, Daiya started noticing girls, and girls started noticing Daiya. Mondo was kind of jealous. Not because Daiya had a new girlfriend almost every other week, but because they were taking up so much of his brother's free time. He didn't understand why his brother liked girl's so much, but his brother pats his head and sighs. "Maybe ya will one day, kid." His younger self only huffed and walked away with a whatever thrown in his brother's direction. He'd give anything for his brother to give him advice like that again, but it was his own damn fault his brother couldn't be around to do that. He didn't have the right to complain. Still, the best thing that happened that year was when he found Chuck in an alleyway. The little maltese was Mondo's baby boy,and Mondo was responsible for taking care of him. Daiya always teased him about being Chuck's mother, and only laughed harder when he found Mondo putting bows in the little dog's fur. </p><p>He's twelve when he begins to notice other people. Well, more specifically, other boys. Still, when he catches himself staring at another boy in class, he is careful not to. Then, he notices other things that he does. He jacked off to the actors that he saw in movies, he stared at men in magazines, he fantasized about kissing boys, and when he kissed a girl on a dare, it nearly made him sick. He makes sure he stares at the wall in the locker room. He makes sure that he talks about the popular girls and makes sure to flirt with them. Still, he's a fairly honest guy. He's not the type that can hide his emotions, so he starts yelling. Other guys think it's funny, and some girls think it's cute while others are scared of him. He doesn't really care. He's too scared to care. He's scared of getting beat up like one other boy who wasn't careful. He's scared of ruining his and his brother's reputations. He's scared of his father coming back to hurt him again for being the way that he is. He's just so scared that he'd rather flirt with girls and end up disgusted with himself than to face the truth of the matter. </p><p>He's almost thirteen when he has his first real kiss. The guy is four years older than him. He's one of Daiya's friends, and he's handsome. Mondo can only groan and whimper pitifully when he pulls away. He doesn't know what he wants, but the guy knows what he wants, and he takes it. It leaves him bleeding and silent from fear and pain. The guy lights a smoke and calls him pretty for a fag. He's humiliated, but he tells Daiya. He never saw Daiya mad like that, and he never saw his friend again. His brother reassured him it wasn't his fault, but he blames himself anyway for ever being attracted to the man in the first place. A week later, one of the guy's friends comes and tries to beat him up. He wins their fight, but he gets sent to juvie for a year. He doesn't think he ever hated anyone more than the guy for causing him to be in such a place. </p><p>He's fifteen when his brother dies. It's his fault. He's too eager to prove himself to the guys. He's too stupid to notice the truck. He's too angry to care until it takes away the only member of his family that actually gives a damn about him. "Keep the gang together." That was his brother last wish, and he makes it into the biggest, baddest gang in Japan. The only drawback is the girls. The small string of girlfriends that he has to have because he's the bad boy delinquent and he's supposed to like girls. The only girl that he likes is his bike. The sex is boring, and he very rarely comes from the act and finishes himself off more often than not. The only guy who knows about his sexuality now is Takemichi, and that's only because the smaller boy is in the same boat as he is. The two both have the same taste in men, too, and both of them will take the feelings that they have to their graves. He appreciates the younger boy's understanding, but the only person he wants to talk about this sort of thing with is Daiya, and his brother isn't here anymore, and it is all his fault. To top off the shitty  year, Chuck dies, too. His baby boy is dead, and he weeps. He remembers one guy telling him how gay he was for crying over a dog. Guy was put in the hospital for facial reconstruction surgery. Since then, no one dared make jokes like that around Mondo.</p><p>He's sixteen when he falls in love. Kiyotaka Ishimaru is a weird guy. He's obsessed with rules. He's obsessed with order, and he can feel himself fall for that sweet, loud laugh and that smile that shines brighter than the sun. They aren't close at first. Hell, he hates the guy at first because he brings back those thoughts and feelings that he thought he buried completely after his brother's funeral, and instead of confronting those feelings, he lashes out and he hates that he does that, but he doesn't know what else to do. They battle it out in a sauna, and he keeps his clothes on not only to seem more tough, but because the idea of stripping down and being with the other guy like that is more than he can handle. They talk and he doesn't notice when he starts talking about his one relationship until the other is hugging him and crying for him. He doesn't understand at all, but instead of lashing out, he kisses the other softly. Predictably, the other pushes him away with a blush spread across his pretty face, but he didn't expect him to scold the other for doing that in the sauna. He tells him to wait until they were in the dorm to do that again, and he can't get out of the sauna fast enough.</p><p>A week later, and they are properly dating. Kiyotaka kisses roughly without realizing it. He kisses as if they will never be able to again, and Mondo can't complain because it feels so damn good. It makes his heart race and ache. He never wants this to end, but with the other going into politics, he doesn't expect this to last. He fully expects to be tossed aside after graduation and remain friends. He fully expects to just lose the other when they graduate from Hope's Peak. He expects the other to get married, have kids, and become the member of society that he longs to be. At best, he expects to become a dirty secret that neither of them would ever dare whisper.</p><p>But, Kiyotaka surprises him. The prefect introduces him to his father. They make plans to move in with each other. They hold hands in public outside of school, and it is almost too much for him when he realizes it. He's never felt like this about anyone, and it is enough to leave him awake at night starting at the ceiling and gently flexing his hand because he can still feel the sensation Kiyotaka's in his. He asks his brother what he should do, but as expected the silence doesn't answer him.</p><p>He applies to several schools and gets many call backs. Trade school will be tough, but he's ready to face it. The gang leadership fell to Takemichi, and they had a little party to see him off. He wasn't sure how retiring from the gang would feel, but it feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Still, sometimes he goes riding with Takemichi, and during those moments, he feels more free than he has the right to sometimes. Kiyotaka always worries over him because he still doesn't wear a helmet when he rides with Takemichi, but it's fine. He's been riding since he was a kid. He's never worn a helmet, and it is okay. Either way, he cut his hair after high school just so he could wear one for the sake of Kiyotaka's nerves. Mondo teases him by calling him panic prince. Kiyotaka teases him by calling him pup.</p><p>They don't live together yet, but Kiyotaka kisses him and reassures him that they'll be together forever once he finishes college, and he believes. Mondo believes the other and he loves him, he loves Kiyotaka so much, and he would do anything for him. He'd go to the gates of hell for this man and more, and he'd find out later how true that was.</p><p>Naturally, becoming a gay politician would put Kiyotaka at too much of a disadvantage especially with his grandfather's ghost haunting him. Still, he can't believe it when they break up. For a moment, he's sure he's been killed. His heart stops, and he can hear something inside him shrivel up and die. "Why now?" is all he can ask. Kiyotaka doesn't answer. He gives him a kiss goodbye, and while they keep in touch, they aren't nearly as close as they were. He marries a pretty girl with pale brown hair. Somehow Mondo is both grateful and offended that Kiyotaka didn't ask him to be his best man. He doesn't get an invitation to the wedding either. He finds out later the bride didn't want him there, but it hurts that Kiyotaka just agreed to it that easily. </p><p>They end up in hotel rooms on the weekend. It's cheap, it's dirty, it's utterly immoral, but Mondo never cared about anything like that to begin with. No, all that matters is that Kiyotaka is here, and he can pretend that they are together. He can pretend that his heart wasn't utterly broken by this man, and all too soon, he loses this, too. Kiyotaka's wife is pregnant, and he...he can't, and Mondo has no choice but to accept this because he refuses to stand in between Kiyotaka and his dreams. Still, he can feel his heart break all over again, and this time, he doesn't even bother hoping he will ever move on. It was clear to him that he wasn't capable of it. </p><p>He's thirty-two now, and he's already feels like he could die. Hell, he almost wants to. Maybe that's why he pushes his worker out of the way when he isn't wearing a hard hat because he's on lunch and there isn't a reason to. Maybe that's why he doesn't care that he is currently in a hospital after two months of being in a coma. Still, when he wakes up, Kiyotaka is there, and maybe...maybe that is enough for him. Maybe that's all he deserves.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Idk</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hope's Peak brought all new experiences for Kiyotaka Ishimaru. He learned what it felt like to be rewarded for his hard work, he learned what it felt like to interact with his peers in a way that didn't bring him harm, he learned what it felt like to have a best friend, and he learned what it felt like to fall in love. Mondo Oowada was a wonderful man. He was strong, passionate, and kind. He was the kindest man Kiyotaka had ever met. He introduced the other to his father as his boyfriend, they went on dates, and he truely truely loved Mondo. But the world wasn't kind. It wasn't kind at all. They promised when they finished school that they would be together forever, but...he was scared.</p><p>Rumors were surrounding him from all around. People talked about his sexual orientation, about his relationship with Mondo...about how they would never elect a gay man to be the prime minister of Japan. The dream that he worked so hard for his entire life was within his grasp, but that little detail about him, the detail that has brought him more happiness than anything else, would destroy it. He...he had to make a choice.</p><p>Naomi was pretty, but she wasn't Mondo. She would never be Mondo, but she was enough. The look on Mondo's face when he broke the news...It broke his heart. It hurt to see that look of devastation on Mondo's handsome face was...it was wrong. It was so, so wrong. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around the biker. He wanted to forget Naomi, forget his dreams, forget everything and loose himself in the other's embrace, in those gentle touches, and in those sweet kisses that brought light and warmth into his fragile, cold heart. He couldn't though. He had to be strong. He had to achieve his dream. He had to for the sake of his father who worked himself far more than any man should just to put food on the table and for his mother who died from overworking when he was so so small and for his younger self that just wanted to be loved and cared for like any other child but received scorn and loneliness in return. Still, he hurt the person closest to him. Was his dream so important that the person he loved could be cast aside? He didn't even think about it for long. It was less than a day before he made a crucial decision about his life! Hell, he decided it the moment Naomi confessed to him. </p><p>Chihiro told him how disappointed he was in him on the day of his wedding. He could only nod in response. Mondo wasn't invited to the wedding. He couldn't face the biker. Chihiro's look of disappointment was a constant throughout the day, and he couldn't bring himself to protest against it. As he danced with Naomi, he thought back to his and Mondo's first kiss. He remembered the biker was so shy about it. It was so cute. He remembers how soft the other's lips were on his, the feeling of the other's strong hands on his, the feeling of love that bloomed like cherry blossoms in his heart. But that season has long since passed and the petals had rotted under his feet as he twirled his bride around in his arms.</p><p>They started meeting in hotel rooms. Trips to Shinjuku led to meeting the biker again. Meeting the biker again led to moments of heated passion beneath sheets and pitiful, heartfelt lies that they told each other to express the past better than the physical intimacy could do. Though, it was nice. It was wonderful. Mondo was just as good as he remembered, and he looked forward to these moments of heaven more than anything as he walked through the hell of his own making. Still, he was getting so close to his dreams. He was a well known and well liked politician, and he was one of the more popular potential candidates for prime minister. His father was proud of him, he had close friends, but it was all hollow because the person he loved most had to be so far from his side. Sometimes they talked as they basked in the fading light of their love. He felt his heart grow with pride at the other's success as a carpenter, and he felt a slight twinge of sad joy at the other's retirement from his dangerous job as a biker gang leader. The other was moving on, and as much as it would kill him, he hoped the other would find another person to hold, to love, to have far far longer than they had each other. Still, Mondo moving on was not what ended their affair. Once again, he carried the burden of the ending. Naomi was pregnant. While he was excited about becoming a father, he knew he could no longer bring himself to visit Mondo like that anymore. Mondo understood, and they didn't even make love when the former biker left. Whether it was for him or for himself, he wasn't sure, but he was grateful nonetheless. He didn't know if he could stop himself from begging the biker to give him the courage to leave his wife and remain in his arms. </p><p>He was shocked when he got the news and did everything in his power to get to the hospital. Takemichi was there, of course. He gave him a look that was a mix of disgust and pain. Hell, he was lucky the shorter man didn't punch him considering the pain he put Mondo through. Mondo stayed in the coma for 2 months, and everyday, Takemichi and Kiyotaka sat 5 seats away from each other until they could visit and keep the unconscious carpenter updated on the world. One day, Takemichi had to take care of business leaving the politician alone with his former beloved. Mondo woke up, and Kiyotaka immediately got up to call Takemichi when he saw Mondo's gentle, happy expression of gratitude. It was too much. Takemichi ran in and hugged Mondo tightly. He was crying and confession how much he loved the carpenter. Mondo stared in disbelief, and Kiyotaka choked on a sob when Takemichi kissed Mondo. Mondo stared at him confused and asked for time to think. A month later, Mondo was fully rehabilitated and dating Takemichi Yukimaru, the third and now former leader of the Crazy Diamonds. </p><p>Sometimes, he saw the two bikers. They would hold hands and flip off anyone who made a comment about it. They shared little kisses and whispered sweet nothings in each other's ears without a care in the world. Every time he passed by, he watch Mondo walk away. His soulmate had moved on and now loved another. Though, perhaps this was all Kiyotaka deserved for choosing his dream over his beloved. Maybe this was what he needed all along. Finally he had his dream, though, no matter how dark or cold his heart became, he didn't care. It was all he deserved for the pain he caused.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you liked this, please leave a kudos or a comment. Thank you for your time.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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